One Month

It is really incredible to think that I have already been here for a whole month. The time has really flown by! Time is a funny thing here, the days are very long and full of activities so it feels like I have been here much longer. But at the same time, there are so many things I still haven't gotten a chance to do, things the teams do in a week but because of various meetings and other commitments I haven't. For example, I still have not gone on rounds with the doctor or on a village outreach. I have wanted to do this from the start but it is hard to carve out time. But I am working on it! It is also very easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day meetings and immediate issues and neglect the long-term big picture. It is all a huge learning experience.

I have definitely been tired but very satisfied with my job and the work it allows me to do. I have to keep reminding myself I have a whole year and I need to be patient if it takes a little longer to get things done.

Anyways, some highlights from my month here:

- Getting to know the new children at the CRC and reconnect with the kids I knew before. There is never enough time to spend with them, but I am definitely enjoying the moments I get!

- Being around for various events like the Day of the African Child. Celebrations here are simple but a whole lot of fun for everyone.

- Connecting with staff at Mercy Hospital. In my previous trips, I was mostly focused on the CRC. I am enjoying learning more about Mercy and spending more time there.

- Being spiritually connected. It is incredible working for an organization that has God at the center of all its activities. There are multiple events a day that involved prayer, singing, and praise. It has been so nice to have that connection. (On a related note, I am working on reading the Bible cover to cover, so far I am on 2 Chronicles).

- Two missionary teams have come and provided the children of the CRC and staff with new, fun activities. It has been nice to have other people around to chat with and get new perspectives.

It has been a great month and I am looking forward to the many more to come!

During Ken's farewell celebration, some of the kids did a cultural dance!

The staff surprised me with a birthday cake

Some of the child support program students and their families came for a workshop

A New Adventure!

So, obviously I am not the best blogger. I finished my Peace Corps service in Rwanda a year ago, headed home and was working in D.C. as a program coordinator for a non-profit. I liked the organization and my co-workers, but the sit down desk job office life was starting to take its toll on me. I am definitely one who thrives in more interactive environments. Luckily for me, an unexpected opportunity came my way and I was asked to be the Field Director for Helping Children Worldwide (HCW), the nonprofit that runs the Child Rescue Center (CRC) and Mercy Hospital (MH). I am so excited to return to Sierra Leone and be able to contribute to an organization that is doing wonderful work!

I have been here for two weeks and would like to give a brief overview of how my days are going. Hint: unlike my last post about Rwanda, I am definitely NOT bored here! There is so much going on all the time!

Here is my basic schedule for the weekdays:

5:30 am: The call to prayer at the local mosque starts, depending on how tired I am I either sleep through it or wake up and try my best to enjoy the beautiful sound, despite the early hour.

6:30 am: I get out of bed, take a shower (even though it is the rainy season and the coolest one, I still often wake up sweaty).

7:00 am: Go over to the CRC to greet the children and sing with them before they go off to school.

7:30 am: Eat some breakfast, normally fruit and/or eggs and bread.

8:15 am: Go to Mercy Hospital to greet the workers as they come in to work. Some of the patients have already arrived and are sitting waiting to be registered. More often then not, there is a newborn baby in the maternity ward.

9:00 am: Staff meeting and devotion at the CRC. All the office workers and Aunties (who care for the children) come and we sing, pray, hear a devotion, and then talk about general business and any plans for the day and upcoming week.

After the staff meeting I do work, emailing, more meetings, write lesson plans, Skype with HCW, visit Mercy again, go into town, or whatever else the day brings. This all depends on what is going on.

1:00 pm: I break for lunch

Afternoon is again whatever combination of work and meetings that particular day brings.

6:00 pm: Dinner

6:45 pm: Vespers, basically singing and prayer time with the kids

7:30 pm: Go home, relax, read

9:30 pm: Asleep because that call to prayer comes early!

Home this gives some insight into my days, hopefully I will be a better blogger this time :)

Below are some photos from the children and staff welcoming me my first day!

On being bored

So per usual, I have fallen tragically behind on blogging. It's a nice, cold (60), rainy day here in Mamba, Rwanda. The perfect time for some (more) self-reflection.

Free time in Peace Corps is abundant. I wasn't expecting it. I imagined a life full of non-stop action, meaningful projects, and adventure. Now don't get me wrong,  plenty of action, projects, and adventure happen. However, even on my busiest days I still find myself with plenty of hours without any particular task. At first, it was amazing. I was free of a predetermined schedule and if I wanted to lay in bed most of the day, that was perfectly ok! 

After a while it got boring. REALLY boring. In America when you have free time it is easily filled. Not always in the most productive ways. In America, a lot of the things that fill our down time are errands, TV, restaurants, shopping, etc. It keeps you going but isn't always the most meaningful. 

Here in Mamba my bi-weekly shopping trips average 10 min door to door. The market is a 2 min walk away and it always has the same produce, I buy what I like (about 6 different fruits/vegetables) there aren't dozens of aisles for me to explore or new, exciting snacks to try. 

Besides that, there isn't much room for entertainment here. I go on walks, visit friends, watch movies, or read. Normally that's enough but I occasionally get overwhelmed with the need to do SOMETHING. I can't exactly tell you what that something is, but being unable to do a multitude of things living in a rural african village has given me great perspective. 

There are so many things to do in America it can be overwhelming and it's also very easy to get stuck in routine. I know I was. I don't know what I will do when my service ends in 5 (!!!!) months. Sometimes that freaks the Type A part of me. But at the same time it's great to not have commitments. I went from 16 years of school to 2 years of service. It's about time to have some wiggle room. To explore, to try new things, to learn new skills/hobbies. 

I still have the travel bug. I still want to see more of the world. But I also want to take advantage of opportunities to see my own country and most importantly to do meaningful things with my free time. Because the options are limitless, if you allow yourself to see them.

 Before you start thinking all I do is lay in bed all day, I did have a baby in my village named after me. So I must be doing something right!

Family Time Part 2

My last post was an overview of my parent's trip from my Dad's point of view. He gave a brief summary of the sights we saw and the "extremes" that are so prevalent in Rwanda. My Mom's opinions are on the country in general, how she found the culture, and insights on separation. 

                                                Reunited at the airport after almost a year!

The Country:

Rwanda was simply breathtaking.  From the moment we saw it from the plane, I knew we were going to see a beautiful country.  It truly is the “Land of 1000 Hills” (and I think we went up and down just about all of them).  It was amazing to see how the people farmed on steep hillsides, with all the rows of crops perfectly lined up.  Despite just about all the farming was done by hand with very little machinery, each inch of land was tilled and planted in a beautiful array of crops.  From the vantage point of a very high hilltop, it was hard to imagine how much energy was expended each day just walking from the valley to wherever a person needed to go high above the hills.  Everything felt so clean, and even in the cities or larger towns, there was very little trash anywhere.  We didn’t see any slums, which were so prevalent in Kenya and Sierra Leone.  Kigali (the capital) felt very upscale and progressive, in stark contrast to the outlying areas where the basic needs are barely met.  We saw such beautiful sites in our travels.  One night that I especially remember was when we traveled to the Nyungwe Forest.  I have NEVER seen so many stars in the sky.  The nighttime sky was absolutely beautiful. I also will not forget the endless, winding roads that traverse up, down and all around the hills of Rwanda.  My stomach won’t either!!

Mom recovering after a particularly long and windy bus ride

The People:

Of course I am a little prejudiced because I just loved everyone we met.  Kimberly’s host family, neighbors, co-workers, and friends were all so sweet.  Even though a lot of the time we couldn’t communicate because of course, we couldn’t speak a lick of Kinyarwanda, we just knew that everyone was as pleased to meet us as we were to meet them.  They took great pride in entertaining us, and we couldn’t have felt more welcome.  I loved meeting her host family.  They live in a beautiful place, and warmly welcomed us into their home.  It wasn’t awkward or anything.  In Kimberly’s village, the welcome party was planned with such seriousness and gusto.  Everyone helped and was excited to be involved.  I was blown away by the fact that 70 people were served a hot, delicious dinner at the same time despite the fact that there wasn’t a kitchen.  They all made it look easy!  The introductions, the order of events, the dinner, the dancing and fellowship were nothing like any “party” I have been to at home.  It was just such a warm and welcoming event. 

Despite the horrific history surrounding the genocide, I don’t feel as though the people are defined by that event.  Even though people think about “Hotel Rwanda” and the genocide when we tell them that Kimberly is in Rwanda, I certainly no longer have that thought in the forefront of my mind.  I respect a leader who makes it a point to make sure the genocide and all that happened is not forgotten and swept “under a rug”.

I do constantly think about the guide at the Genocide Memorial who was the lone survivor of his family, the young men at the Paradise Hotel who are trying to figure out how to better their lives, the fisherman who work from dusk to dawn for a couple of dollars a day and how I could possible make a difference for them.  I haven’t figured it out yet.

Final Thoughts:

I was so excited to go to Rwanda to see Kimberly.  At one point, I thought, “I don’t want to go, because then it will be over”.  Luckily, I didn’t let this silly way of thinking ruin our trip.  I was a little bummed that we would be getting to Rwanda on Thursday and not see her until Friday (because of a conference she was attending), so imagine my surprise upon seeing her in the sea of people waiting outside of customs.  I cried like a baby much to the embarrassment of a lot of Rwandans in the area.  I couldn’t help it.  I had spent almost a year with a wall around my heart protecting myself of missing my daughter.  My friends told me that I seemed so “stoic”, but honestly, whenever I would get sad, I would think of military mothers who had sons and/or daughters in harms way, and DIDN’T have the option to visit them, and I would think of mothers that I know who have lost their child and will never see them.  Those thoughts make me realize how lucky I am in that my daughter IS safe, and WILL be coming home.

Anyway, we had such a wonderful visit.  I loved traveling around with Kimberly.  She had organized the entire trip, and I was just so impressed as to how she handled herself with hotel clerks, cab drivers, market people, and her fellow Peace Corps volunteers.  I told her after this experience, there is NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING that she won’t be able to do in her life.  She has always been very independent, but now she has a self-assurance that just shines through her being.  I am in awe of what she is doing and how she has mastered the language, taken the bull by the horns at work (another essay in itself), but most of all, how she has embraced the people and experiences of Rwanda. 

Mom tackling the canopy walk

The last day of our visit was weird for me.  It just seemed bizarre that she just packed up her backpack and walked to the bus stand to catch a bus.  There were no tears, no real mushy goodbyes.  It didn’t feel as though she was headed back to her village in Rwanda.  It could have been catching a commuter bus at the entrance to our neighborhood.  It is hard to explain.  The one thing that bothered me then and still bothers me, (although I don’t know if “bother” is the word I really want to use), is the fact that there was no mention of when or if we might see her again in the next 15 months.  That doesn’t feel right with me. 

On a scale of 1 to 10, our visit to Rwanda for me was a 10+++++++ times infinity.  I hope Kimberly felt the same way.

My Thoughts on Her Thoughts:

There are two things I really want to address about my mom’s post. The first is where she said she “spent almost a year with a wall around my heart protecting myself of missing my daughter.” This really resonates with me because I have been doing the exact same thing, but didn’t have words to describe it until she pointed it out.

As my wonderful (and much more open) mother will tell you, I am not as willing to share my feelings and emotions. Its not because I don’t want to, but most of the time I myself can't articulate them or I don’t even realize something is bothering me until it builds up to the breaking point. Being away from home is not easy. I miss my family more than words can say. Its hard not chatting with my sister, hanging out with my parents, watching my niece and nephew grow up, seeing my friends. The vast majority of the time I feel extremely disconnected. But in a way, it’s a survival mechanism.

I don’t keep in touch with people as much as I should. I know that. Sometimes people will text me or want to talk to me and in the moment the thought of even just sending a text is overwhelming. I don’t know exactly why I get into those moods, but I think it is because I too need to build a wall around my heart. If I start thinking about home, I miss it too much and then I won't be able to last another year here. But still, I need to find a balance. I know my family wants (needs) to talk to me more. It’s a work in progress. I hope you all know that I think about you all the time and love you so much. I appreciate all you do for me and for your patience and understanding while I am away.

Another point she makes: when will she see me again? This is a question I cannot answer. For a lot of the same reasoning I made above, a trip to visit America is really overwhelming. I don’t know if I could mentally take that on and return to Rwanda still dedicated and motivated. Maybe that will change. I don’t know. Really if being here has taught me anything, its that life is never simple. Nothing is black and white. You just have to make the best of each situation, listen to your gut, and accept that it might not all go perfectly. Because life is many things, but it is no where near perfect.

Except my Mom of course, I'm pretty sure she's perfect :)

Family Time Part 1

The next two posts will be about the visit of my parents. They came to visit me in May, which already feels like a lifetime ago. The anticipation for their trip was very emotional; I was extremely anxious and nervous. It had felt like I hadn’t seen them in years. At least that is what I thought before they arrived. But the moment they stepped out of the airport it was like we had only been apart briefly, because we fell right back together like we had never been separated. (Remember that thing I said from my last post about time being weird- yeah, I still can’t explain it). Anyways, we had a lovely week and a half where they permitted me to drag them all over the country. I don’t think we ever spent more than 48 hours in one place. Their visit meant a lot to me and even though I don’t say it enough, I love you both so much.

And who better to tell you about the trip than Barbie and Ricky themselves?

Dad's Summary of their Trip

A Trip of Extremes:

Our first evening was on one of the hills overlooking Kigali and experiencing the beauty of the city at night. Kigali is modern, it sparkles and it rolls across many hills – what a welcome to Rwanda.  The land of a thousand hills can only be appreciated by driving them and that we did. My observation was this encounter is and will continue to be a tour of extremes. 

The Genocide Memorial in Kigali gave us a quick glimpse into the not so distant past and was in direct contrast to the peace and beauty of the countryside.  So our first extreme was going from the Genocide Memorial to Momma and Poppa Kimberly.  This was the host family that taught Kimberly Kinyarwanda and gave her a family home far away from us in America. Parents have innate ability to communicate even in the absence of a common language.  They shared with us a wonderful Rwandan lunch – the peacefulness and beauty was such a contrast to the Genocide Memorial we had just visited. 

On to Kimberly’s village – after three hours on a nice paved road we departed on a hard packed clay bumpy ride for over an hour to reach Mamba. -- A jewel on the side of the hills near the Burundian border.  Upon entering her compound we were greeted by her neighbors and instantly felt at home and comfortable.  This was my first sense of confidence in Kimberly’s safety – these were good people and she was a part of their community.  This first glimpse was a relief and further enjoyed by such a wonderful dinner two nights later in the compound with over 70 of Kimberly’s closest Rwandan friends.  Having a traditional Rwandan dinner and enjoying the kind words spoken about Kimberly and how she fit so well into the texture of Mamba was the next extreme of our trip. I could tell you of shopping the market and a freshly made shirt tailored from material given to us by Kimberly’s host family – but that is a different story.

On our way to Nyungwe National Forest we stopped at a second Genocide memorial in Murambi.  The tour started much as the Memorial in Kigali until we were escorted to the classrooms behind the main school building to give tribute to over a hundred corpses on display.  What an impact this had on me – the strongest reminder to me to never let this happen again. I asked our guide how could he give this tour everyday and he responded that it was the way he gave a voice for his family from heaven – he was the sole Genocide survivor from his family.  This was a testimony to grace and forgiveness.

After trekking for Columbus monkeys in Nyungwe and then across a swinging bridge spanning the rainforest we were off to the Kings Palace en-route to our destiny with Mountain Gorillas. After an hour and half trek up the side of the mountain in Volcanoes National Park we faced the magnificent mountain gorilla family enjoying their mid-morning breakfast in the bush.  What magnificent animals and merely six feet away from our camera lens.  Frankly I am not going to try to put words to such a momentous visit – but yet an experience so extreme from our visit to the King’s Palace in Nyanza to the Genocide Memorial in Murambi, and the dinner with 70 in Mamba.

We rolled over more hills to Lake Kivu and enjoyed two days on this most serene lake.  As we had breakfast on the waters edge we watched fishermen push out on to the lake on traditional dug out fishing boats returning the next morning after fishing all night. It is difficult to imagine that in one place there can be 3G cell phone coverage and yet fishermen in dug out canoes propelling themselves by oars.  Is that not an extreme?

We finished our trip back in Kigali enjoying one more evening with our daughter. The next morning she was off on the bus to return to Mamba and we a taxi to the airport. Everyday of our two-week trip was invigorating and so divergent from one day to the next.  I left Rwanda knowing my daughter was safe and fit into the day-to-day lives of Mamba.  I left with a wealth of memories that ranged like the land of a thousand hills – peaceful hospitality with Rwandans, the tragic history of the Genocide to the natural beauty and grace of mountain gorillas and Lake Kivu. 

Love you Daddy, glad you enjoyed the trip. 

One Year!

So June 13th marked my one year in Rwanda and I now have only one year left in my service. It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that I have already spent 13 months in this country. At first, especially during pre-service training, time seemed to be moving painfully slow. The thought of 27 months was overwhelming and seemed like a huge chunk of my life. Now that I am halfway done, and looking back on the past year, it feels like it has flown by. Its funny how time does that; how it can feel so long and so short simultaneously.

Anyways, my first year in Rwanda has been incredible. I have learned a new, extremely difficult language (in spite of my 8^th grade teacher’s insistence I don’t have the aptitude for learning languages). I have traveled all over Rwanda (myself and with my parents!) and went on a fabulous vacation to Tanzania and Zanzibar. I have been constantly put outside of my comfort zone and learned that no matter what I do, I will always be a stranger here. I think that has been the hardest thing to come to terms with. In training, we are constantly being told to “integrate” and to really become a member of the community. Although on a certain level this is possible, at the end of the day I am still a foreigner who, despite my conservative dress and language abilities, stands out in the crowd. To say the least.

Another factor that makes living in Rwanda more difficult is how closed-off people are. This is due to their turbulent history, which makes trusting people nearly impossible. Don’t get me wrong, I have made some wonderful friends here that I plan on keeping in touch with long after I leave. However, for the most part I have not found people to be as welcoming as I had hoped.

Being useful and productive has been an almost daily struggle. When I pictured working at a health center, I imagined days full of interesting and challenging tasks. Reality was that the first few months I played a lot of solitaire in an office waiting around for people to give me some work to do. It was extremely frustrating, until I realized that waiting wasn’t getting me anywhere and I needed to make things happen for myself. So I wrote a grant and held a nutrition training for all the community health workers in my sector. We taught them how to make soy milk, tofu, compost piles, and to cultivate mushrooms. Now I am also involved in a microfinance training project, organizing a girl’s empowerment camp, and a member of two Peace Corps committees. So much for being bored! It took probably about six months at my site to really know where my place was and what I should be doing. But on some level I still don’t know. That ambiguity has been one of the most difficult parts of my service. I love to have a “plan” and know what I should be doing. However, it has been a wonderful learning experience and has forced me to become more independent.

There are still days when I get frustrated, where I don’t want to leave my house because if one more person calls me mzungu (white person) I will lose it. There are days where I wonder if I made the right decision to join the Peace Corps. But now those days are few and far between. If I had to do it all over again, I would. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but so far it has definitely been worth it. So, Rwanda, looks like I am on board for another year. Lets make it even better than the last one.